Wednesday, March 25, 2015



I have observed that a lot of people are losing their spouses and marriages and I want to help them know what they are doing to achieve this. My prayer is not for you to lose your spouse or marriage but to enjoy and not endure your marriage. Here are things you do that may make you lose your spouse, if you read in between the lines, the solution to overcome these challenges are there! Lol.

1. You will lose your marriage if you are not ready to put in the work. Marriage is hard work and not a walk through the park. I often tell people that any marriage you admire and see working, someone is "working it" if you are not ready to be committed to your marriage, you are not ready to go the extra mile for your spouse, you are not ready to leave and cleave to your spouse forsaking all others, then you are ready for breakup!

2. Comparing your spouse to others; men and women make this mistake! They compare their spouse to parents, relatives, neighbours, friends, colleagues etc.  This is a dangerous trend to follow, it's wrong to compare people especially if the comparison is unfair and used to hunt and hurt your partner. If you keep comparing your wife or husband to those you think are better, you will soon find yourself out there with no one and you will discover that the grass is not greener on the other side, it looks so, because someone has taken the time to cultivate their own "field". Do the same and you will enjoy your spouse!

3. Making your spouse feel unworthy and trampling on his / her self esteem with your actions! Wow! This is a big issue in most marriages! Some husbands and wives feel they are "superstars" and "know it all" and so treat their spouses with contempt. Some forget that before they started hanging out with the "stars" there was a "star"  at home making the home conducisive for them to thrive and flourish! All of a sudden, they want more, and they start making their spouse feel unworthy! My friend, borrow yourself a conscience and brain to act proper before you lose the favor of God upon your life!

4. Making your spouse feel less of a human being - This is a continuation of point 3 but in another light. A case where your spouse have challenges, that you can not lovingly correct and you make them feel bad with your action will help you lose your home fast. E.g, when your partner has mouth odor, body odor, dress Cordination issues and instead of telling them and helping them, you withdraw from them and isolate them in everyway, will see you losing your spouse and marriage. A lot of men have been bruised and battered by their wives in this regard and women too! Help your spouse get the help they need,help them clean up good, buy mouth wash, good toothbrushes, roll on, perfume, good clothes, help them clean up well and enjoy the husband/ wife of your youth.

5. My money, my money! Hmmm. Finance issues are one of the biggest issue in Marriages but if the two work together, this will be the least problem. My knowledge of finance is that two are better than one in managing and making the money. Every couple should know who saves more and who spends more on frivolous things. The person that is good with the account and savings should be the one in charge of the money. I tell women that quoting scripture wrongly is not good for marriage! Lol. If we all agree that God created Man; male and female, then we must agree that a "man" that can not feed his household being worse than an infidel applies to male and female! So a case where a woman has funds and refuse to assist the man in taking care of the home needs is wicked! I am not excusing men from taking on their responsibility of being providers but in marriage, two becomes one and that includes finance. If we can get this right in our homes, we will eliminate a lot of stress. I am an advocate for husbands giving wives pocket money for themselves regardless of the fact that she earns more than you. Every woman wants to know her husband loves her enough to give her a stipend as her own allowance for her hair, clothes, roll on etc. this I believe will eliminate the " market money pinching" that most women do! Lol. Though some women will continue stealing from themselves! I have seen cases where wives collect a different school fees every term from what is being paid in the school! Wow! Some women are something else but remember some men pushed them to it! Lol!  Seriously let's know that money is a Messenger and so we must all conquer greed and live our level per time, so we do not feel financial pressures in our marriages! Note; if you need a financial coach to tell you the truth of your money issues in your home, Kindly send me a message so I can help you. Free consultation to know your money issues but you may pay to get the solution to solve your money issues! lol.

6. Inlaws and outlaws - This is a serious issue in some homes. Some spouses do not want to see their inlaws because of the way, they have been treated. Most times, it's the husband's family that are the "mean ones" especially mother inlaws! But if you tell yourself you will be a motherinlaw as a wife one day, then you will help yourself to live at peace with your inlaws. I tell couples, if your siblings must live with you, then they must respect your rules, respect your spouse and contribute to the home in every way possible. If they can not, they can as well leave your house! A case where a wife becomes a slave to her Inlaws is unacceptable! She married one man and not his entire family, even if we are Africans and are relational, boundaries must be put in place so abuse does not become inevitable! Couples must learn to protect their spouse, for the woman, it's not everything that happens that you make public knowledge, look for those that are genuine in their love for your family and talk to if the need arises, so issues are resolved amicably instead of blown out of proportion!  Don't give room to the devil in your home by exalting your Inlaws more than your spouse and rubbing it in!

7. This final point is on Sex! Women must know sex is a man's love language and men must know, for your wife to speak your love language, you have to fill her love bank. A woman that does not feel loved and appreciated will find it difficult fulfilling a man's dream of every day sex! A wise woman will do the needful no matter what but if the truth be told, sex is better when both parties are into each other. For men that are never satisfied with what they have at home, and have gone crazy chasing after other women and sleeping around, remember you are putting both your life at risk with that of your wife and children. The repercussion of illicit sex is more than the 15 minutes pleasure. Married women are not left out of this illicit sex issue. It's now a trend! I pray God will intervene in the lives of such men and women to make the necessary change and save their lives and homes!

So much to write but I choose to stop here. Comments will be  appreciated!

No comments: