Saturday, December 7, 2013

ENJOYING BLISS IN MARRIAGE



ENJOYING BLISS IN MARRIAGE ( A long read but worth it. This is trying to put over ten years work on one page. Lol)

Bliss in marriage : means being completely happy in your marriage or being perfectly happy, enjoying spiritual, physical, and emotional joy in your marriage.

Let's know that the devil is all out against marriage, and statistics shows that Christians are divorcing more than unbelievers. ( Got this from a link on divorce statistics in the US) So we must learn to do the word of God and live it to make our marriage work. We must choose to leave tradition/ cultural practices especially those harmful to our marriages and follow the word of God to have a blissful marriage.

Stanley Hauerwas defines a successful marriage as “learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.” What does he mean? Simply this: In countless ways, the person we commit to on our wedding day will not be the same person five, ten, or twenty years from now. In fact, neither will we. Marriage changes us. So does raising children, careers, the aging process, and other significant events in our lives.

That’s why it’s important to understand that marriage is not a stopping point where we instantly know our spouse fully and completely. It’s a journey through life between a man and woman, both of whom continually grow and change across their years together. As one speaker said, “When people get married, they tend to believe they’ve found a finished statue, when in reality, they’ve merely found the block of marble from which their spouse will emerge.” Commit to loving your spouse and helping them grow more Christ-like each day. ( Jim Daly's blog)

To enjoy more Bliss in marriage, do the following;

1. Be true to your vows; Ecclesiastes 5:2-6 says when you make a vow, be true to it, play your part in your marriage irrespective of the fact that your spouse plays his/ her part.

2. Be kind and forgiving, practice advance forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-32 says we should remove bitterness, malice and be kind to one another, forgiving each other. As couples we must learn to forgive ourselves, make excuses for the other person to enjoy bliss.

3. Know your temperaments and your love need / language; this will save most fights we have as couples if we just understand the type of temperament we are dealing with.
The four temperament are
Sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholy. A lot of us are a blend of both with one being our dominant trait. What temperament is your spouse? If you understand this, you will know how to treat them.
What is your love language? Is it ? 1. Unconditional love and acceptance 2. Sexual intimacy, 3. Companionship, 4. Encouragement and affirmation. 5. Spiritual intimacy. Learn the love needs of your spouse and commit to meeting the needs.
Know that sexual intimacy is high on a man's list while emotional intimacy is high for the women, a man feels that when his wife meets his sexual needs, he can meet her emotional need and she feels when he meets her emotional needs, she can then meet his sexual need. So both must learn to meet each others need to have a blissful marriage.

4. Live the vision of your marriage. Why did you get married?whats the vision of your marriage? What values do you have? What is the purpose of your marriage? If all these are known, life becomes cheap and marriage more peaceful. Have values as a couple, agree on things together, like having one meal as a family, agreeing to discipline the children correctly.

My husband and i sat down to write our family values and this has helped us to know who fits into our circle as friends and it is also helping us to live our purpose. Tunde and Bridget Elesin's Family Value has the acronym; LIFTS -
Love - love for God, self and others
Integrity - in all we do
Faithfulness - to God and ourselves
Togetherness - Unity in purpose ( TeamElesin)
Service - Service to God and humanity

5. Romance and intimacy; this is very key to having a blissful marriage, couples must never take this aspect of their lives for granted. You must learn how to spend quality time together. Go on dates regularly, cultivate your relationship with each other. Bring balance into your home by deliberately and intentionally romancing your spouse. Do new things, spice up your love life. Know that regular sex helps you bond. If you are too busy, learn to schedule sex with your spouse, put it on your to do list. You can delegate almost everything but you can not delegate having sex with your spouse. Learn to care for each other genuinely.

6. Set boundaries ; with friends, Inlaws/ outlaws. This is very key or you invite trouble into your home

7. Be financially intelligent; know who saves money and who spends, plan and prepare for everything. I advice husbands to give their wives monthly pocket money, no matter what their wives earn. It helps the wife know she is cared for and it reduces spending foodstuff/ household money on herself. Learn to be truthful with what you earn. Plan on paper and spend the money together.

8. Resolve conflict in a healthy way; there is no winner in any argument, learn to resolve issues amicably. Separate the person from the event, and know you are a team, you win and lose together.

9. Have friends and mentors that believe in marriage, have people with values around you. People that will support your being happily married and you can call on anytime you need to confide in someone about issues you are facing as a couple or family.

10. Package your self well; dress well, make sure your environment is clean. Eat well, look good for each other, be teachable, improve yourself continuously. Don't say because you are married, you will stop dressing well and looking good. Hit the gym if need be and eat sensibly to maintain a healthy weight. Let your spouse be proud of you to want to show you off. Learn basic etiquette. Do make sure that you upgrade your knowledge and are current with everyday issues, so you can talk intelligently and contribute to conversations.

11. Learn to communicate effectively and speak each others language. Learn to listen to your spouse. Learn to talk and appeal to the king/queen in your spouse.

12. Appreciate yourselves, dream together and pray for each other. Learn to appreciate your spouse for all they do to make your life better. Let them know you appreciate and love them. Love your spouse unconditionally, love them for who they are, encourage and help them to grow in all areas of their lives. Minimize your weaknesses and maximize your strength as a couple. Dream about your preferred future together and pray about it to see it come to pass. I believe if we put this 12 points to practice, plus pray intentionally for each other. We will all enjoy bliss in our marriage(s).

Note; I shared this at a couples program I was invited to speak. I felt led to share it here. You can share but please give me credit o! Lol

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