Wednesday, October 9, 2013


I woke up this morning,9th of October 2013 praying and playing one of my favourite songs by Phil Driscoll; All Glory, All Honour be unto God to get my head working for the day. Getting my children ready for school was another issue as I noticed they were bent on getting me worked up. The funny thing was I spent sometime praying specifically for my children and my reaction to them but today, it was as if they were activated to get on my nerves. Lol.

The height of it all was when I overheard my younger sister scolding my son and I heard him say it was not his fault. I asked what the problem was, and was told he had poured his cocoa drink on himself and would have to change his clothes, he came upstairs and his school uniform was all soaked and brown. I saw "red" and was trying to count within myself not to react when he repeated the words again that it was not his fault and I asked him whose fault? As he could not give me a satisfactory answer, I smacked him and told him to kneel down as his punishment. I had to get a new set of of uniform and socks for him to wear and thank God there was light to iron it. As I was dressing him up, I told him to always own up to his fault, that it was better he said it was a mistake than say it's not his fault as nobody poured the cocoa drink on him, with tears in his eyes, he nodded and said yes mummy. I do not like to see him cry but if you spare the rod, you will spoil the child as written in the bible, besides he knows that there are consequences for wrong actions taken and rewards for right ones.

This encounter with my son brings me to men not wanting to own up to their faults. It started with Adam in the garden of Eden as narrated in the bible and till date, that's what I have been hearing from most men. It's not my fault! When will men accept their realities and be responsible for what they know they are responsible for or is clearly their fault?

I talk to a lot of men and most times, I hear them blaming their wives, parents, relatives, the government and all sorts of people for their situations without acknowledging their role in the situation or challenges they are facing. Take for instance when a man beats his wife, it's her fault for annoying him, she provoked him to beat her, so man, what is your role in provoking her to run her mouth? Is it your fault or not your fault that you raised your hand to hit a woman you said you will love and cherish forever?

When a man cheats, it's not his fault that he cheated on his wife. He will look for reasons why his wife is not making efforts to satisfy him, and then he takes the blame to the woman he is cheating with. All this excuses exonerate him from his faults, forgetting that most times its a man's lust that leads him to become a cheat or a serial cheat with time. There is no excuse for cheating or being unfaithful to your wife. Man, why not own up to your fault and do something to help yourself to stop cheating. As they say, even if you can not stop the bird from flying over your head to pass waste, you can stop the bird from perching permanently on you.

I have seen men due to no fault of theirs, being jobless. It may not be your fault that you do not have a job but it's your fault that you are not appreciative of the help your wife is rendering. It's your fault that you can not assure her that things will get better and she sees you making moves to get a job or get money to feed the family, ( I tell most women that care to listen that the bible quote of a man that can not feed his is worse than an infidel applies to both the man and woman as when God created "man" He created him; male and female, so a woman is also a "man" to feed the family). So if your wife is helping out, why not appreciate her efforts and praise her while assuring her that things will get better as you work as a team to overcome your current challenges.

I have seen men complaining about their homes, their children and their wives but I don't see them helping out to make things better. If you want smart and academically sound children, you must invest time in helping your children with their homework, teach them yourselves, don't put the blame on their mum alone. You want a clean house, it's not your wife's fault that your house is always dirty especially when you have young children. Nothing stops you from helping your wife in cleaning the house or giving her money to employ someone that can help clean the house the way you want it. Your wife is just one person, it's unfair to let her be the cleaner, the cook, baby minder, lesson teacher, everything in one, without you helping plus appreciating her efforts by telling her so. Don't go heaping insults, blaming and calling her all names imaginable when you can take responsibility for the things you can do to help her out.
Man, if you want a sweet and energetic woman that will deliver in bed as well, then you must help your wife in the house, love her, be good to her in all ways and she will give you the time of your life in areas where you need her. Remember, women are emotional creatures that respond to sweet words, so if her love bank is empty because of lack of communication, lack of help, lack of appreciation and lack of everything that makes marriage sweet, be sure to know that anything you get from such woman will not be her fault too.

Finally, man, it's not your fault that you don't pray together as a family not to talk of attending church services. Most men can find time to relax in a bar or recreation center but it's not their fault that they can not go to church due to busy schedules. Praying with their family and engaging in church activities will be too much to add to their ever busy schedules, no wonder we find most women in religious centers being taken advantage of by their spiritual leaders because their husbands have left their priestly and prophetic roles to their wives to perform. Man, know that it's your responsibility to set the tone of serving God faithfully and committing your family to God regularly. So when your home is being buffeted by the devil, it's not the fault of your wife or others, you are majorly to blame for not being a spiritual head and covering!

My take home for men is to stop the blame and not my fault game! Adam was part of the reason why the first man and wife lost their place in paradise but thank God for the second Adam that took charge and owned up! Jesus Christ took the blame for the sins He did not commit, O what a man! He paid the ultimate price for us to better our lives, O what a Saviour and friend! Today, I beg all men to emulate Jesus Christ, it's not an easy thing to do but in every situation, before you say like my son, it's not my fault, ask yourself, what would I have done differently? How can I play my part and man up to my responsibility? I pray God will give any man reading this post, the eyes to see his fault in the challenges he faces day to day. Indeed, It will pay every man to man up and stop the blame and not my fault game. God bless and help us all.

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