Wednesday, September 18, 2013


One of the reason my husband who I call my destiny helper gave for falling for me, was my attitude to help, my being domesticated plus showing kindness to others.  He had seen me in many instances getting involved in helping others, he also saw me as a domesticated person as any time he came to see his friend in the NYSC Corpers lodge where I stayed, he will see me cooking or washing plates or doing things related to cleaning apart from my usual men's ministry! Lol

Back in our NYSC days, just before our passing out parade, he was invited for a dinner by his boss in the office and he asked me to accompany him, my attraction for going with him to his Boss house was free food as we were just friends. Lol. But by the time we got there, his boss and the wife had invited some of their church members to the dinner as well, so we all sat down to eat and after the first course, I helped in clearing the dishes, he was watching me but what I did not realize was our hosts was speaking in Hausa, that I was a wife material and because my husband could understand hausa, he heard what was being said. Our hosts did not know my husband understood Hausa, as he bears a Yoruba name but he was born and brought up in Sokoto. This he later told me was one of the reasons, he felt I could be his wife, because he wanted a woman that will be accommodating and tolerate people plus be homely and can cook plus feed the multitude. ( He had the thought of going into full time ministry initially but God had plans for him in the market place). Lol.

Why am I sharing this story now, someone may ask me? I am sharing this because I have seen too many singles that would have been married going around as singles because they are self centered, they can not help others and are not seen as being domesticated as they would rather eat in fancy restaurants than cook a decent meal at home. Please no one should misunderstand this write up, I am not saying, you should go around cooking for guys, or go washing their clothes in their house regularly but what I am saying is, have you been seen as a kind and compassionate woman? How do you greet elders when they are around you? How do you relate with others, how do you take care of the space you live in?

A lot of well trained guys want women that are not only beautiful but capable of loving others, making a decent meal, well mannered and approachable as wives.  No matter how beautiful you are as a lady, if you do not have some of these qualities, you will find out guys will come, dance around you and leave!

I have had  male friends that got married to their spouse because they saw a woman who could handle money well. These ladies would advice their guys to save their monies and invest in capital projects instead of spending frivolously. I have seen men marrying ladies because of their manners, being able to greet people well with respect. I have seen men that got married to ladies just because of the way they treat children and others around them with kindness.

I have also seen men marrying ladies because they noticed they were neat in appearance and also lived in neat environment. As a Youth Corper, I had a room mate that came to beg me to stop washing her plates as her boyfriend would complain that he is always seeing me wash plates and clean the room. I didn't know this was an issue, as I was just being myself ( I can wash plates for a living! Lol. While growing up, my mum saw a need to train every child to be domesticated and plate washing was my usual chore which I hated then until I started talking to the plates and that changed my hatred for washing plates to a love I still have for washing plates  till today. I can hand wash my plates instead of loading it in to a plate washing machine! ) Lol.

As a man, do you expect people to greet you first when you enter a place just because you are a man?  I have seen younger children tell their big sisters or Aunties not to marry a particular person because they see them as not being nice. If you can not buy a book  or bring a gift for a young child or show concern and care, while visiting his sister and you want to be a husband, then you will wait long if you are not careful. Lol.

The truth is many men have been approved to marry ladies in their circle just by going the extra mile for others, by being gentlemen and showing genuine concern to help.

I have had to write this post to help a single lady here go the extra mile by developing herself to be kind to people, help around the house where you live with others and contribute in making people's life comfortable. I have seen too many young ladies living with their sisters or brothers that can not lift a finger to help in the house but they will want to eat in that house, they can not contribute to buy provisions or even biscuits for children in the house they live in, yet they wear the most expensive weaves and perfumes. My advice is for every young lady to take a cue from Rebekah in the book of Genesis 24, she was so kind to Abraham's servant by giving him a drink of water that she even went the extra mile of fetching water for his camels, Wow! what a woman no wonder the servant of Abraham saw her as wife material.

I am also talking to the young men to learn to be mannered and helpful too. Moses in Exodus 2:16-21 was seen helping the daughters of Jethro, this kindness shown qualified him to marry one of Jethro's daughters. So my advice to every young lady and man, is to develop yourself in the area of kindness, being well mannered,  being helpful and going the extra mile for others, like a seed sown, this can come back as an harvest of open doors to marriage proposals, getting good recommendation for a job and many more good things.

I want to also address that young lady or man that has done all this but yet no body is coming to propose or agreeing to your proposal. My prayer for you today, is that God will reposition you to meet those that will appreciate the good qualities in you, that God will remove every scale in the eyes of that man or lady that will be your spouse to see the real you just as God helped Hagar to see the well of water in Genesis 21:19.

I pray that this season, God will help our singles to focus on Him and live triumphantly, doing good and being helpful until a deserving spouse shows up to the glory and praise of God's name. I await testimonies from a lot of singles as I see God using this post to change the mind set of a lot of them to do right.

1 comment:

Olusegun Moses Adenuga said...

Ma,this is indeed a wonderful piece for youths out there, thanks for sharing experiences that would make us better people. God bless your wisdom ma.