Monday, November 12, 2012


The title of this post came to mind as I watched a CNN reporter talk about the resignation of CIA Director in America General David Patraeus who resigned over an affair with his biographer.

He has been married over 37 years with two grown children and the woman he had the affair with is also married with 2 young sons. This whole episode is so sad knowing his position in the country. In a speech after his resignation, he said "I showed extremely poor judgment by engaging in an extramarital affair. Such behavior is unacceptable, both as a husband and as the leader of an organization such as ours," the retired four star general said" . I commend his courage to admit he had done wrong and also to resign honorably ( this can not happen in my country Nigeria as men see it as okay to cheat and they feel they have not committed any crime against the law by cheating).

My first thought was how is his wife and children taking this? knowing their husband and father is on the spotlight for sexual indiscretion after having served his country meritoriously for years. Extramarital affairs in Africa especially in Nigeria is becoming a norm and even born again Christian men see it as okay citing the traditional polygamous nature of men as a reason why men can have affairs.

Extra marital affairs is not okay and it's totally unacceptable for a Christian man or woman. It hurts a family whether the man or Woman is discovered or not. It breaks the edge over any family and leaves lasting damages that only God can help resolve. As I listened to the report on General David Patreaus, my mind went to another David in the bible that had an affair with another man's wife and ended up pushing the husband Uriah to an untimely death to cover his evil deed. Nobody knew what he had done but God knew and indeed the consequences of that affair almost tore David's family to shreds and threathened his kingship. This story of David and Bathsheba is told in 2 Samuel 11 and 12.

As Christians we must flee all appearances of sin like Joseph did when he was sexually enticed by Potipher's wife in Genesis 39. God is clear on adultery as He gave it as the 7 commandment that we should not commit adultery. Sexual sin goes beyond a few minutes of pleasure as Samson in Judges 16 got his glorious destiny terminated as a result of sexual sin with Delilah.

My take on another David having an affair, after reading a lot of online articles about General David Patreaus and his biographer Paula Broadwell, was tat this David;

1. Saw a younger and beautiful woman, he is sixty years old while she is fourty years.

2. The proximity of working together on his biography made him to drop his guard I am sure and having being married for over 37 years, am sure, he found it interesting that a younger woman was interested in being with him.

3. looking at his wife's picture, I gave him a mental excuse that he probably wanted something more as his wife looked very plain compared to his mistress that was looking hot being a runner and a younger woman with good dress sense ( Note; this is no excuse a man should use to commit adultery) . This few months pleasure is now a scandal that has put a question mark on his person plus loyalty to his family and country but that's what happens when a man or woman thinks that they can get away with adultery. I feel so sad for both family as i am sure, they never thought this will happen.

Adultery, i have noticed recently is now becoming common, even among Christians and for me this is so sad as they have been more divorce as a result of this. God hates both adultery and divorce. My tips to avoiding adultery is

1. Know you are human and you must take heed lest you fall.

2. Learn to set boundaries. As long as the man or woman is not your spouse, draw a line, to protect yourself.

3. Be friends with your spouse and be accountable to one another.

4. Have friends you can be accountable to, protect yourself if you know you are having unholy feelings for anyone, confess to someone that can help and not judge you. ( you are Human remember? You can have your spouse as an accountability partner if he/she can handle the truth or look for someone of same sex with good knowledge of knowing and living by God's words)

5. Take your relationship with God seriously, commit to reading the word of God daily plus praying constantly. Hide the word of God in your heart so you will not sin against Him.

6. Think of the consequences when you are caught or found out...think of the trauma your wife/ husband and children will go through, think of the spiritual and physical implications. Is that moment of pleasure worth breaking your home over, worth losing your reputation over? Think deeply before you go ahead.

7. Step up your relationship with your spouse, keep romance alive, step up your game by looking good for your spouse. Be ready to satisfy your spouse sexually.

8. Pray foundational prayers. This is very key as I have found out with a lot of men and even women that adultery runs in their families and so they end up committing the sins of their ancestors.

I pray God will help us learn from this modern day David...I am definitely praying for my son with same name as I don't want history repeating itself. My David will be holy and fornication and adultery will be far from him in Jesus name amen.

Note: if you are involved in adultery, please get help and stop as you may end up losing your life and soul if you continue. God can forgive and will forgive any sin. Confess and move on never to go back to it. God will help us all in Jesus name amen.

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