Wednesday, March 14, 2012

LETS TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE

It's been in my heart to write about marriage for some weeks now, I have seen and heard so much that I fear for the institution called marriage. The truth is, marriage is God's idea and so we must stick to His perspective of marriage. In Genesis 2, after creating everything and man, he discovered that there was no help meet for Adam, and so God put Adam to sleep, took one of his ribs and made a woman and Adam on seeing her, said this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh and called her woman because she was taken out of him.

I am sure God would have made more than one woman for Adam if He wanted it so but He made just Eve. Theirs was a perfect setting that became imperfect when the devil came in as a serpent to tempt Eve and till date the devil is still doing his best to cause trouble in the homes of married people especially in Marriages that are built on Christian foundations.
All marriages face one attack or the other but in recent times, marriages have become a case of "for better for stay and for worse for go" . The vows we take when getting married no longer mean anything to some people as they choose to live in ways that make mockery of the marriage institution.

It's sad and painful when I see a man and a woman that have professed love to one another in time past tearing at each and talking of divorce. We no longer have the initial perfect Eden condition because the devil comes in form of challenges and most of us would rather quit than ask for divine intervention. My prayer for anyone reading this is to get words that will make them see their marriages as worth fighting for and stick with it like Ruth did with Naomi ( Do you know the vows, about till death do married couples part was taken from Ruth's conversation with her mother-in law Naomi? Read the book of Ruth 1 -16-17). Ruth despite the death of her husband, stood through thick and thin with her mother-in law and as a result of her faithfulness, got rewarded with a man - Boaz that became an ancestor of Jesus Christ.

So where am I going with this post? It's time to look at our marriages again from the eyes of God and fight to keep our homes together, it's time to put some of these tips below to test and see if God will not turn around your marriage as you make the necessary effort as discussed here.

1. Your Conviction - what was your conviction in marrying the person you married? Why did you say yes to this person instead of others? If you can truly answer what your convictions was in marrying this person, it will be easy to still see what made you say yes to him and what made you choose her above others when situation says otherwise.

2. Know that love is never enough- you need more than love to stay and remain married, you need patience, tolerance, understanding and many more to remain married to your spouse, as my mum will say then, marriage is for two blind and deaf people, blind to your spouse's fault or weakness and deaf to hearing negative things about your spouse that will make you react rudely or badly.

3. Communication and friendship is key- any real relationship will die when there is no communication and genuine friendship, we should learn to be friends with our spouse. The rate at which men and women misbehave in marriages these days will let you know that most couples were not friends with each other but just flowed with the feelings of " I love this guy/girl" . We must go beyond love and be friends with our spouse, we must learn to talk about everything, from how we feel about issues, to finance, intimacy and other issues that may come up in our homes. My husband and I till date, with almost nine years of marriage still talk and play our date game that helps us communicate honestly and openly. We ask each other to speak on five things we love and five things we dislike and we will love to see change? Sometimes, this five things can be on intimacy, finance, inlaw/in loves, friends, etc, this truly helps us to speak our minds without condemning ourselves and it gives room to continue the good things and to discard the wrong ones.

4. Romance and intimacy is a must- even the bible talks about not defrauding one another, I know as women, we get tired and when it's time to make love, some of us feign imaginary headache and some even go as far as wearing pads to say they are having their period but if the truth be told, you cannt have headache always and you cannt be having your period forever ( are you the woman with the issue of blood? Even Jesus healed her! Lol ) so be healed from that imaginary ailment that come only when you want to be intimate with your spouse. Learn to take baths together, learn to massage each other and create the right atmosphere, you can teach each other what will bring you pleasure, so you look forward to being intimate with your spouse. Men, do the needful, learn to communicate with your spouse during the day, help her when you get home, take a bath and brush your mouth, be clean for each other and create a conducive atmosphere for intimate miracles...hahahaaha!

5. Learn to forgive in advance and forgive with the heart of God- marriage is for two forgivers! You must learn to forgive your spouse no matter what, things may not happen as you plan. You will offend each other, rub each other the wrong way, get on each others nerves. Some spouses will cheat on each other for no reason; this is bad and can destroy the home but don't give the devil the upper hand to see your marriage break up. As a friend said recently, " if I meet my man on top another woman or meet the woman on top of him, I will gently carry my husband away, and leave the woman to herself while I take him home" to either pray the demon of lust and adultery out of him or beat it out of him! ( I added the last part! Lol). Honestly I am not in support of adultery whether it's from the man or woman, it is wrong and evil as it exposes the home to a lot of spiritual attack that may end in death if not stopped with genuine repentance from the adulterous spouse. May God help us and keep us from evil. My advice on this is to "Delilah proof" your husband, another word I learnt from my dear friend and how do you do this?

A. Be there for him, be his cheer leader and his number one supporter/ fan, help your man to have a positive self image, treat him as King, so when one demonic colleague or co- worker or church member or house help or co- tenant comes along, he will think twice and flee from evil.

B. Be able to handle the truth- most men and even women can not talk truthfully to their spouse because, they react to things. A dear friend mentioned how he had lust issues and confessed to his wife about it, he said the wife helped him and he escaped being lured into an adulterous relationship. On both sides we must learn to handle the truth or our reality, from our finances, to properties we have, to intimate issues, so we can make ourselves accountable to each other and avoid costly mistakes that may make our spouses hell bound.
Note - Adultery and lustful behaviors thrive in secrecy, learn to be accountable to your spouse and another godly man that fears God and will help counsel plus pray with you, same with the woman, look for a female friend with the fear of God that will keep you sane and safe from adultery

C. Be functional- be his kind of woman, as long as he is not asking you to sin against God by doing any abominable act, then ride on! play with him, dress up for him, look good and smell good, if Delilah in Samson's story in the book of Judges was a dirty and smelly woman, I am very sure Samson will not have his head on her laps. Please let's all take our hygiene seriously, a neat, clean, sexy woman or man is a great turn on any time! Lol. Please groove your spouse to the maximum as the bible says; enjoy the wife of your youth,( put husband there if you are a woman! Lol).

D. Pray with and for your husband - The days are truly evil, you hear cases of friends snatching their friends wife or husband...may such evil be far from us, we must pray at all times to keep our homes safe from all manners of intruders. Learn to pray with your spouse daily and share the word of God, as you do this, God will always intervene in your case as He has not called you serve Him in vain.

My prayer for us all is that God will keep our homes and grant us uncommon wisdom to love ourselves and walk in understanding as a couple.

Action points-
1. Have a monthly or weekly date night to help keep your marriage alive.
2. Learn to do things in common, contribute to the home financially, gone are those days when it was just the man taking care of the family financially.
3. Learn to tolerate your Inlaws / Inloves, remember you married their son or daughter because you love them, transfer that love to them as well. If they are the very mean ones that see no good in what you do, get your spouse consent to treat them with respect but from afar.
4. Read books, attend seminars that will build you up as regards your marriage
5. Share your testimony with me, if this post make the difference in your home and marriage. Lol.

1 comment:

thenewking said...

Nice piece! The devil cannot attack us if we don't open a window for him to strike. The sacrament of the holy matrimony requires patience, sacrifice and the brand of love called AGAPE. Couples must sacrifice...God sacrificed His only begotten Son, Jesus. Why can't Christians sacrifice to sustain a marriage? We must work at this union to fulfill God's purpose in our lives, because He hates disobedience.