Wednesday, October 7, 2009


This is the concluding story of the previous post Where are the real men? by Aaron 'G'leye.

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine recently. She is a single parent and we were just discussing her relationship with the father of her child. Although she was no longer with him, she proceeded to tell me how she was fortunate she was compared to other people she knows. She informed me that he was a good guy because he regularly gave her money for their daughter, he regularly spent time with his daughter and they had a pretty decent relationship considering the circumstances. As she was saying these things I felt something bubbling inside of me and I halted the conversations with the words ‘Hang on, Isn’t that what he is SUPPOSED to do?

Why do we feel the need to praise and exalt guys for doing the minimum of their responsibilities when we don’t praise the mothers who are generally there throughout the whole duration of childhood? The mothers who do most of the hard work?

May I suggest it’s because the level of expectation of a man/husband/father has sunk to new record lows. Strong male role models are getting fewer and fewer and the situation doesn’t look like changing anytime soon. But why has this happened? Well I have a couple of suggestions....

We live in an age where any man who tries to display Biblical manhood is told to take the ‘S’ off his chest and ‘get in touch with his feminine side’. I heard one of my favourite preachers once say “Men, if you ever find your feminine side, kill it”. Men do not have a feminine side. God placed that in women hence the word ‘feminine’. This concept was dreamed up by 1960’s sociologists and psychologists to emasculate men and found its way into many churches. It is simply not true.

1 Corinthians 16:13 ‘Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be men of courage, Be strong.

Does this mean that real men must be able to climb mountains and fight with wild bears? No! It has nothing to do with that. Men have emotions and should be able to understand and express them. But not in the way a women does.

We live in an age where a new girl joins a church and some of the young men in that church will begin to discuss among themselves who will be the first to ‘have’ her. I have seen and heard about incidents that are quite frankly, shocking. So, the very place that was supposed to bring life actually brings death and the young lady will leave actually having less belief than when she came in. It’s going on, and nobody says anything for fear of being seen as “judging”.

Men (and women), many of us are told from a young age to focus on being single, focus on God and to not even think about a partner until God gives us one. The problem with this is that it means you live your whole life like someone with no intention of being married, then you meet someone and when that frame of mind finally changes, you expect a few weeks of marriage counselling to undo what you have spent the last 20/30 yrs trying to do. It is possible to be a Godly single while still learning and understanding what a Biblical man/husband/father is supposed to be.

1 Timothy 3:4 ‘Pastors and deacons must manage his own family well and see that his own children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family well, how can he take care of Gods church’?

May I suggest that this verse is not only for the men focussing on being pastor but for ALL men? Men, if you can’t manage your own family, how can you be an accurate representative of Jesus?
This note only touches the iceberg of everything I would like to say but I still hope it gives us something to think about.

Men, rather than just reading this and feeling something for a minute, let’s begin to affect the environment around us. If we are married, let us raise our children in a Godly manner and be strong role models. If we aren’t married let us live in a way pleasing to God and begin to raise the standards expected of us so that the women will no longer be satisfied with the bare minimum but will desire the best.

Psalm 128: “Blessed are all who fear the Lord who walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labour, blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord”.

God bless

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