Thursday, March 26, 2009


I have been meaning to write a note on marriage for some time, especially to address some questions i have been getting from my friends that are yet to tie the knot..People na turn by will be your turn soon okay...., i know some of my people that are praying that Jesus must not come until they marry! Watching Steve Harvey on the shows, just nailed it for me and here is my note !

As i will always say, i am not an expert on marriage issues as i am still young in mine..about six years now..i thank God for people have seperated in less than one week!..But what i do not have as per the long years experience, i have made up by listening to my mum and her friends talk about marriages, watched their marriages, also seen my parent- inlove marriage and views..between my inloves and parents..(they have been married for over 80 parents about 37 years and my inloves 49 years)..and i have God and the Holy Spirit who has been helping me to learn more about marriage God's way through the bible.

I have watched people in marriages..good and bad, Godly and unGodly and have learnt and i am still learning and my take is: Marriage is something that must be taken seriously..i.e somebody once said..if you can go through written and physical test to get a driver's license, how come..people just have to show up at the registry to get a wedding license!..ops!!no wonder..we have trial marriages this days..for better, for stay, for worse, for go!..God forbid!. One of my favorite quote on marriage is for you to marry your conscience..that is who ever you marry..must serve as your conscience, helping to let you know when you are not doing great, doing great and helping you to be the best of you!

One thing i always say is... whats your foundation as per marriage? the foundation of a building will determine what it will withstand when storms etc show up! let me start with my dear single sisters and from a lady that has seen it all..from bad boys not being on the shelve, to asking a "bro" out..something i never did as an unbeliever!lol..but tried doing as a bornagain tongue talking spiro! i know the anointing attracts!lol.. this is not sharing other people's story..i am sharing mine too as i go along this note!

On Oprah's show..Steve Harvey..who is a comedian, actor, radio talk show host and now a best selling author of the book.."Act like a lady, think like a man" was on Oprah's show to answer questions about his book and in the audience was about 300 was a time of candid questions and a group of friends that was on the show had a list of what they wanted from a man and a particular lady had a list that contained 45 things she wanted from a man, to which Steve honestly answered that God had someone with the qualities she wanted and the person was already born but will she and the other ladies with lists too, be willing to give what they are asking for?

My Opinion..Great answer..I was amazed at his supposed spiritual depth..(though i do not know if he is a Christian and born again but i saw a man with right values talking). My answer is the list is great..its always good to have standards so you do not go with the flow! as in settling for Mr Available when Mr.Right is there..a lot of people have settled for just anybody and are regreting it today or forever praying to God about the person..when they should spend that time praying for other things..So have a picture of what you want or who you think will be the ideal mate and give the list to God..He will answer it..discard the ones that are not right and bring to pass His perfect will..i have real life testimonies of Friends that made that list and today are married to the men on their list!lol..I did too but i think mentally after reading Paul Yonggi Cho's book..the 4th Dimension i believe..Long time bo!lol

My own list has always been someone that will beat my dad in every way..My dad is one fantastic man and being the first child and a girl..means we share that special bond..Though we were not always the best of!..if there is any child that got spanked in my was me! LOL, yet that never changed my love for him as i knew then and even now, that it was a case of whom God loves, He chastes....I tell fathers with daughters today....make sure you are close to your daughters and give them the right affirmation, so they go out seeing men correctly and choose wisely when they need to make that big decision!
Also, you need to be the right person to desire the right man..You can not be empty in every way and expect to marry a man that is loaded..deep calls unto Deep! if you want to marry a genuis..make sure that you are one or close to being you do not make him a dullard eventually!lol..Bring something to the table as a woman..even if you are not perfect..which no body is..Do your own list too as a checklist for yourself..You attract what you are in most cases!

NOTE - Real men are not afraid of standard and requirement !Steve Harvey, and i concur !lol
Never lower your standard in your impatience to find a man, when you lower your standard, you go with anyone which may not be the best for you..especially in the case of Bornagain sisters..because you have waited too long to get married and a man shows up..that is not will be making a mistake even if he fits some of your wish/standard list..remember two can not work together except they be agreed!..its better to pray for God's perfect will as a single than end up married to the wrong man and be forever on your knees praying for the man to change..PLS Take note of this before you say yes!

He gave these five questions..every woman dating should ask:
1. What are your short term goals?
2. What are your long term goals
3. What are your views on Relationship?
4.What do you think about me?
5.What do you feel about me

He said this will let you know, if there is a future for the relationship

My Opinion - I agree to it..but its not a question you ask on a first that bros no do the 400 metre senior boys on you!, Take it easy..give some time..if after three months..which Steve Harvey supports.. You can now start this questions, so if he is not can be the referee to blow the whistle for him to do his thing..a race or flip out.."Ugbaboneemwin"..An Edo person will be able to explain this masquarade acrobatic dance! am laughing really hard!lol

My husband's proposal to me was like a business one..he read out where he was going to..and asked me to tell him how i fit in! a strange proposal!lol..Thinking of it sure his proposal made me see the big picture and truly helped me fit myself into his plan..very unusual way..the beach proposal came later..but for me..the first was the real deal! lol

Note - Steve said if a man is into you, after six months of dating, he will give you a "title" girl, first lady..chick, my whatever if the "bro" you have been seeing is still saying my friend..pls watch it! he may not be serious.. .. I have to run now..Part 2 on the way...!..i agree, i got my name and its still there!..dont ask

I will try and address the issue of women with Careers, and other issues on marriage as God lays it in my heart but the bottomline of Steve Harvey's book is that women should ask men questions about men and not their fellow women..also women should try and truly act like a woman..lady like, let the man be a Knight in shining armour..let him pay the bills, open doors for you, pull out the chair in the restaurant etc as you deserve it..My Most Favorite person is taking his game higher and learning all this extra stuff that our naija men are not used to...People its a new day o..We should start doing things right and copying right! your views and hopefully, part 2 will come out soon!

Pls try and get the book if you can!

Note..- I am eating plenty wedding cake this year..all my paddies..its this year o! God is on the throne and is doing everything to bring your heart desires to pass in Jesus name amen..if you decide to make me event manager/wedding planner..there is discount on the fee!lol

NOTE - This article was written on my facebook note and the picture here (ABOVE) has this caption -

"That people say men are hunters does not mean you are a prey!..You are loved by God, You are Royalty and you deserve God's best..Jesus as a man, died for if the "man" question can not come close to what He did..think again and ask Him (God) for His best for You"!


N.I.M.M.O said...

I actually read - and watched this on the Oprah website. I also read excerpts of the book.

I think its a good effort by a man who really wishes that women will understand men better.

The truth is that men have been trying to make women understand them for millenia but women just don't listen! They have their own ideas of how men should be and then expect us to be like that.

Most of the time, men are not good at expressing themselves but once in a while, men like Steve Harvey comes along and says it as it is, and we hope the women are reading.

Problem though is that women are going to turn Steve's book into a bible of sorts and expect every man to be as it is but the book is just a general guideline, relationship is not an exact science.

LOL @ your husband presenting you with his 'life business plan' and asking you to see if you fit into it. That was how I did it too.

Of course the flowers came after. [I be proper Ijebu man abi?]

S. Milin' said...

That's so great that you had a Dad who set the standard high!!! May more and more Dads be challenged to do the same today for their daughters!

Nice commentary on Steve Harvey's book! I agree with N.I.M.M.O that relationships are not an exact science, no matter how many books one reads about "Finding and making it work with Mr. or Ms. Right." LOL

I'm realizing, too, how important RESPECT is. Respect for self--Ladies, if you don't see yourself as somethin' super-special and of great value and worth, guys won't either! But if you do, be prepared for princess treatment! (Not diva, so lose the 'tude and drama!) Just as respect for the opposite sex is super-important! Ladies, if you're being courted (or whatever you'd like to call it) by a man, he deserves your highest respect, whether he's "the one" or not!

Thanks for the insights, Bridget!

Sarah "S. Milin'" Muilenburg,
A new blogger friend from the States!

S. Milin' said...
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