Tuesday, February 10, 2009


This is the week of Valentine, a day on February 14th to show love and right now, in Nigeria, some of my male friends are asking "whats the big deal about valentine's day" as the women have suddenly taken the day as a day that all their dreams must be fulfilled by their knights in shining armour, they want gifts, candle light dinners and want to hear those romantic and sweet words, the men told them while they were courting before marriage and those that are engaged, want to hear more sweet words that will make them race to the altar and for those that are not in any of this category, they are believing that any of their close male friends will want to take things to the next level and ask them on a date and even ask them to get involved in a relationship. All this, are making the men scream as they believe, they love their women and they do not need a month or day to show it as February 14 is now turning to be an unpleasant reality for them! lol!

Anyhow, you see it, something must give! lol! To celebrate or not to celebrate valentine is a choice. Life is a choice and love definately is a choice. Marriages/relationships are failing today because people are not choosing rightly: choosing not to love. The challenges, we face day by day, only reveal and show us who we are and the way we all react to those challenges will determine the choices we make. So for our men, it has to be a choice to love your wife as the bible commanded, love and nurture your children, protect your home and model the right behaviour for your children and the world to emulate, as we are the salt of the earth and a light to the world. For any man to take it to the next level, he has to truly put his head in the game!

First, he has to put his life into different segment i.e, Spiritual life,family life, Work life: employee/employer, social life etc . In doing this he can give attention to each segment and try to create the needed balance, trying his best to major in the major and not the minor, as the major is his Spiritual life and family, followed by work and others. As one pastor said, "spend more time with those, that will feel your pain and even death, the more when you pass on and this is no other than your family, wife and children".

Every man must try and put the following to action to take their game to the next level

1.Spiritual Life: Love the Lord and serve Him with all your heart.
2. Wife : Love your wife, respect and honor her, nurture your relationship by caring for her,Communicate, date and court her from time to time, to rekindle the "wow" factor that made you choose her above all others (For some men, there were 'no others' as they knew, she was the one from day one).
Understand your wife's love Language i.e, is she a person that loves it, when you buy her gift... is she happy when you just stay around her talking/jisting and helping with household chores, is she the type that likes outside dates, both of you going out etc, if you know this, it will help you, love her better, speak her love language and make deposits in her love bank.
NOTE - I will recommend, you take time at least once a month and just go out and be by yourselves, enjoying your moments together without distractions.

3.Children :Love them, nurture them, be an example in words and in deeds, as children model whatever they see their parents or adults around them do. Be their friends, spend quality time with them: this you can do, by picking the day of their birthday every month to just take them out and spend quality time with them, getting to know them: their likes, dislikes, friends, aspiration etc..this will be a blessing, when they turn teenagers, which is a very challenging period for them as they will know, their dad cares and will be there to see them through their challenging period.
NOTE - Your best gift to offer your children is who you are in Christ and your love and respect for their mum.

Taking a cue, from my dad, i have always known him to take my mum for outings, he is a champion in Billiards and Snooker till date, and he was always going out with my mum, to play his game then...but being a man's world and the boredom of watching men hit colored balls on the table coupled with the children/her new faith in Christ as at that time, my mum stopped following him (Sometimes, she regrets that decision as without her being there, you know you men na...winks...he stays forever playing his game, unlike when she is there, to hurry him off after his game! When she wanted to resume..he cleverly told her, that he loses his game when she is there as she distracts him from concentrating!she laughs!!!what a story and a wonderful man!).

Any ways, he still comes home with stuff for her...barbecued meat - Suya,chips and chicken etc, when some fruits that he knows she likes are in season, he comes home with basket full of such fruits and trust us children!....every person in my house is so spoilt, that till now, when i go home, i still look forward to my dad, buying all the usual stuff like when we were growing up..its fun and i truly miss all that now, am married!!!
As children, we also looked forward to eating with my dad, till now, he still eats with my younger ones at home, he will always call the youngest to come and eat with him or he eats and delibrately leave some food for whoever clears the dishes to eat....some of us, "waited" on him for our favorite dishes!!, those that love rice..which is nearly everyone, will wait and see us scrambling to get to the dinning table after he gets up...but when its garri/eba...sorry.....he may as well take his plates to the kitchen himself except its a particular soup, that is a favorite like banga soup....She laughs!

Will have to go now and continue this post later!lol! Please dont just read, put some of these tested tips to test and see the refreshing difference you will make in your home. I will conclude this in subsequent posts! Enjoy your day!


empower yourself said...

Hi, is valentine suppose to be a day when men will spoil women. I think exchange of gifts should be mutual

Bridget Elesin said...

My brother, i agree with you, its mutual!, but you know, most men do not rave about Valentine as women do...we always buy the gifts or celebrate the day...but most men dont, thats why the emphasis is on the men to take the hint! she laughs!