Wednesday, January 28, 2009

LOVING YOUR INLOVES/INLAWS!


I am a firm believer in gabbage in and gabbage out!she laughs, this was a term i learnt in school, when i was being taught on the use of the computer.. and now its a term that best describes what i am about to discuss, because its what you give that you will get!

In Africa and especially in Nigeria, when one gets married, you are married to the entire family...you become "our wife" Iyawo wa! i hope i got it right! My yoruba speaking is still in doubt! lol! Anyhow, the family of the couple becomes one family and together the new family makes progress under the watchful eyes of other members of the extended family.

In most cases, because of what some ladies have seen in other marriages, they come to their homes dreading their inlaws as the world calls it but inlove as i term it!Most young ladies are suspicious of their parents in law and brothers/sister in laws and they will want nothing to do with them because of what they have heard from others and also because of the way, they are treated by the inlaws eventually! Some say things like "i want a man that doesnt have a mum! waoh! where did that come from? and my reply most times is you too will not be there when its your son's turn to marry as you have not wished someone well"!

I personally do not think such a comment is fair on any inlaw, mother-in-laws especially, whether they are good or bad, as truly they are a part of your husband/wife's life and should automatically be incorporated into your own life and treated with the love and respect they deserve!

Some Parents in laws are truly like the film Monster in law, a film by Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez, its a romantic comedy that came out in 2005 and portrayed the story of a mother who gave his son's fiancee hell because she didnt want her to steal him away from her, she wanted to hold on to her son by all means and did some crazy things to her son's fiancee, the Fiancee in the person of Jennifer Lopez finally caught on to her Mother in-law to be prank and she too unleashed her own terror on the woman....Interesting story with a terrific ending! The bottomline was that they ended well..some real life stories have not ended well and both parties had to go their seperate ways due to interference from inlaws.

My advice on this is to always pray before you marry about the kind of inloves/inlaw you want, am sure the word in law is what even brings out the worst in them, but if you say inlove, am sure love will truly conquer all! She laughs! Honestly, i have seen cases of both male and female wanting something nasty to happen to their in-laws especially the women! But i believe because women are wired to be territorial, they will always look out for their baby boys! Grown up men that are always boys where their mummies are! she laughs! So, if the woman over interferes in the couple's affair, then the wife and mother war starts with the husband caught in the middle of a domestic cross fire! Sometimes its sister-Inlaws and i always ask myself, why is it that its ninety percent women stress when it comes to inlaw palava?, why are the women not screaming bad father- in-laws, though i have seen some cases, its truly few compared to the mother/sister in law issue. Please i await answers to this!

Personally, i can say: honestly and truthfully, that i have the best of inloves! My parent-in-love are truly Godsent and my sibling in-love terrific!... i couldnt have asked for better inloves! Am sure, God that knows i do not have strength for bickering and fighting, "jejely" made a way for me, to hook me up with the family that will bring out the best in me...because by now only God knows what i would be doing .....probably skiming on the best way to pour water on someone and say its accidental! God forbid! Am laughing so hard! But i thank God for God, who knows all and has given me a voice to say, you get what you truly deserve and desire!.....sometimes this is not the case as the wife will be truly sweet and doing her best to please the inlaws and yet, she gets a lot of bad vibes and maltreatment...in the other case, the inlaws are nice but the girl is a monster daughter inlaw that will not want her husband near his parents or siblings! May God truly help us, because i believe if this is the case, you may be the one to rewrite the script and do things right by truly loving and praying and with time, no matter what, you will see changes as there is nothing impossible with God!

I sincerely believe in the man protecting his wife against his people no matter what, as you have chosen to love and cherish this woman, and so, if you treat her bad, your siblings if they are the rude and bad ones will do worse, but if you cherish, love her and show it, they too will have no choice other than to treat her right and vice versa! Its a case of love me, love my dog! She laughs! I pray that we will love more no matter what and learn to treat each other right, no matter the side of the divide we are in, like Ruth that followed her Mother-in-law home to care for her despite not having another child, we will inherit goodness and kindness as a result of our genuine love just as Ruth became an ancestor of Jesus through Naomi and Boaz!

I will conclude with this story, sent to me by a dear brother and friend of mine, Aimua, your forwarded message came at the right time indeed.I have always noticed, anytime i have a post in mind to write, God will always trigger someone, to help me with my train of thought, either through the Television, a book, sermons etc, so i believe am not just blogging because i enjoy it but because God wants to pass a message some how! Enjoy the forwarded message and get the lesson behind the story as it will truly bless you!



LOVING THE CHINESE WAY

A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live
with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits.

In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and
dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you
solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you." Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law. Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially
treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law's attitude towards Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said,"Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry
about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude towards her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life through you. Spread the POWER OF LOVE and get someone to read this. Remember "A candle losses nothing if it is used to light another one"

This is truly inspiring, May God help us all to love no matter our circumstances !

1 comment:

empower yourself said...

Timely piece on a contemporary issue. I appreciate the concern of mothers..all their investment on their son seemingly walking away. However they should remember they are also married to someones son too. Above all, lets endeavour to honour our parents or parents inlaw. Wisdom is profitable to direct