Tuesday, April 4, 2017

3:42:00 PM

LIVING WITH A STRANGER


He is not the guy I used to know ma, I am living with a stranger.. I smiled inwardly and said to myself .. familiar stranger.. lol. Stephanie and I spoke for a long time and at the end of the discussions, the conclusion of the matter is that she feels she has fallen out of love with her husband of 5 years.. I assured her that it happens to the best of us so she is normal.. lol and falling out of love as she said, does not mean she does not love her husband anymore.. Sometimes life happens to you and you come to a place where you feel no love for your spouse . . It's OK to feel that way sometimes but it's not OK to remain that way.. so here are some tips to help you if you are in Stephanie's former shoes.. she is all happy and loving her husband now.. she is feeling the love and has forgotten me.. lol This is what you can do when you dont feel love for your spouse..
1. Identify why you are feeling this way.. what did he / she do to make you feel this way
2. Identify your part in escalating what has happened.. what did the person do and how did you react to make it worse?
3. Look for ways to resolve issues .. what's your communication channel..do communicate to resolve your challenges amicably. Remember you are a team.
4. Move past the hurt and pain caused. Choose not to be in pain and bitterness. 
5. Give meaning to that pain and learn from the experience.
6.Identify what your spouse can do to help you move past the pain and trust him/her again.
7.Forgive and let go to make progress in your marriage.
8.Engage each other daily to commit to making the marriage better. 
9. Resolve to make things better in every way.. resolve to let go and let God work in your marriage. Feel the love again in your heart.. see your spouse through the eyes of God that he/ she is a gift to you.. if you have to go to your "happy place " where the person has ever made you happy in the past..go there and remember the good times to feel the joy of having him/her as your spouse. 
10. I believe in prayers so pray and ask God to help your marriage in every way. Marriage is God's idea. . So pray that God will restore love in your heart again.

Practical tips to help you love again.
1. Start your own communication game or process to help you communicate better as a couple. My husband and I started this before we got married and we call it 5 by 5. We tell ourselves 5 things we love about each other and we want to continue and 5 things either of us don't love and want the person to stop, we give examples to buttress our points so we know what was done and should continue and what not to continue. We try to do this every month especially during our planned date night which is the date of our wedding anniversary every month. This will help you communicate better as couples if followed. 
2. Have your own daily rituals to connect.. 
A. it can be kissing each other daily for some minutes as you both depart for work or when you return. B. It can be praying together daily or reading a chapter of the book of proverbs daily to each other.
C. It can be asking yourselves at particular times of the day the highlight of your day.. talk about how good your day is going or how not so good and be ready to celebrate if its good and to comfort with good words if its not going so well.
3. Affirm each other daily by saying nice words to each other. Brag about your spouse daily.. find something good about your spouse to say daily.
4. Make love... every couple should schedule sex for at least 4 times a week as a way of connection.. it helps you bond in a lot of ways and may help you forget the hurt if you allow yourself to flow in the act. (This can be challenging when you find out your spouse has cheated on you.. but if you can communicate effectively & get professional help. You can build the marriage again) 
5. Ensure you do something kind for your spouse daily.. I tell myself; I am in my marriage to do my husband good and to help him whether he deserves it or not.. with that kind of mindset, good will come to you as well, as you get what you give.
All this and more will help you bond and connect so you feel love for each other again.. let me know if this is helpful in any way.
3:28:00 PM

Options and Choices


These words popped up in my spirit strongly this morning after listening to a message that i had to check the meaning and found they both had each other as synonyms. .. interesting.. I have found out that the world we live in has given us many options to living life.. everything has options , little wonder our generation is faced with a lot of battle of choices.. Many people have the choice of doing marriage the cultural way, the modern way or biblical way.. We have this options in how we relate with ourselves, do life , parenting and many other things we do.. I have come to realise that those days.. things were either in black and white so you have to choose between black or white.. good or evil. . You choose one or the other but now.. you have white, black , grey, off white, off black, whity-grey and yet to be discovered mix of both colours and we wonder why people find it hard to make choices.. Today I want us to sit and think through our lives.. what options do you have and what choices are you making in ;

1. Your life; spiritually, physically, intellectually, financially, health wise etc.

2. Marriage; are you intentional about enjoying your marriage? Are you doing marriage your way? Are you doing marriage culturally? Biblically or the modern way?

3. Parenting; How are you doing this? Culturally? Modern or biblically?

4. Relationship with others? What are your options.. are you a blessing to others in every way or a pain to them? Or you are in between? Lol I saw this interesting message in God's words and decided to add it here to buttress my points on the options we have and choices to make.. "GOD'S WORD® Translation I call on heaven and earth as witnesses today that I have offered you life or death, blessings or curses. Choose life so that you and your descendants will live" .. So many areas of our lives that we are faced with options and need to make choices .. I pray today you will choose options that will help you make progress in every area of your life.. Here are choices in various areas with all the options I have considered.... I Bridget Elesin have chosen to live for God and Him alone.. I have the options to follow other gods but I choose to follow God through Jesus Christ. I have chosen to have the mind of Christ, so I live life like Christ. I have chosen to do marriage God's way which is the biblical way of male and female loving and living life to the glory of God that instituted marriage. I have chosen to do marriage as a team and enjoy my marriage more than I will endure it.. If there is need for endurance, we will endure and make progress together.. I have chosen to raise godly seeds that will live according to the dictate of God's words.. children that are made for signs and wonders according to God's words I have chosen to learn and invest in my knowledge in every way.. I have chosen to ensure I work on my character daily and live a progressive life in every way.. I have chosen to inspire, encourage and help people to live their best life always.. I have chosen to see good in others and help them connect with those that can help them live that "best life " they desire I have chosen to pray people up than tear them down.. I have chosen to show people kindness in every way and will do my best to love the unlovable just like Christ did.. yes.. I have chosen not to cast my pearls before swines as well.. I have the wisdom of God to discern and I have chosen to use that wisdom to know that not everyone is around me to do me good and so I must love and help wisely. I have chosen to live, love and do life God's way.. So what options do you have and what choices will you make today and the remaining days of your life .. remember to choose the option that will bring life and not death. Selah!!! @BridgetElesin

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Monday, January 2, 2017

Friday, December 30, 2016

2:05:00 AM

HUSBAND AND WIFE GIST


I have been in deep thoughts about marriage for a few weeks now and it became obvious to me that one of the greatest challenge in being married is the expectations we have of our spouse wrong or right. When this expectations are not met, we become disappointed and then we start acting up.. Today I want to ask a few questions to those that are married. It will help you if you are not married too.. 
  1. What are or was your expectations about marriage ?
  2.  Did the person you marry fit into your true idea of who you wanted as a wife or a husband.
  3. Can you live with yourself truly as man or wife.. This will help you take the blame off your spouse and see yourself.. can I live with the woman/man I am? Can i live with my standards and expectations? 
  4. How have I contributed to the progress or stagnation of my marriage? 
  5. What can I do to enjoy my marriage and make it better ?
 Let's know that we can not clap with one hand. You need both hands to clap.. so are you trying to clap alone in your marriage? Marriage God's way is two people working together as a team.. We lose or win together as a couple. My take on marriage is shared in Amos 3:3. Love in marriage is beautiful but love as written in 1 corinthians 13 is more than a feeling. Beyond love we need to work/walk in agreement in all we do as couples. This include working together on our finance, romance, parenting, spirituality and how we do life together generally. I find this quote below interesting and a life saver for marriage.
If we must take our marriage to the next level, we must take this quote to heart.. "The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them" . George Bernard Shaw.
Lets know from this quote above if the man or woman you married changed in many ways, are you judging them with the knowledge you had at the beginning of your marriage? Are you using an outdated syllabus on your spouse? It's time to upgrade dear husband and wife... its time to study yourself and your spouse daily. It's time to be sensible in every way and measure your spouse in a new way.. marriage can be beautiful if you go about it God's way and ensure you do your best with your spouse to make it beautiful in your own way. Know that you will have challenges along the way but if you believe in my analogy of you and your spouse being the tongue and teeth, then when conflict comes, you can still move on and make progress. Marriage is beautiful.. Make yours more of pleasure than of pain this coming year 2017.


2017 is a new year to pay attention to your marriage, make your marriage top priority this new year coming and watch your life change for the better.
I will be glad to help you and your spouse if you both need help in understanding yourselves and how to make your marriage a priority and team centered . 
You can send a mail to bridgetelesin@gmail.com or add me on Twitter @BridgetElesin. Let's chat and see how I can help you and your spouse with the knowledge I have about marriage and share what has worked for my husband and I for over 13 years now.
I pray for someone reading this post; may God help you not to give up on yourself or your spouse. May God help you to see beauty in each other and give yourselves another opportunity to love yourselves again through God's eyes in Jesus name amen. @BridgetElesin

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

4:52:00 AM

MY STAND ON RECESSION